The I Don’t Care and The Judgement Paradox
Do you really not care and should you?
We all say: I don’t care about what they think, I never let the opinions of others influence my choices, and caring about people who don't care about me is not something I find the time for anymore. Yet, we always seem to end up in the comments of a YouTube video or an Instagram post, refer to the society and see what others are doing before we land our next lifestyle upgrade. We just want to be a certain way so that the rest of the public opinion is in our favor and respect is flowing towards us.
I recently read this in ‘The Psychology of Money’ by Morgan Housel which really changed a lot of ideas I grew up thinking. It went:
“Guests came in driving Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Rolls-Royces — the whole aristocratic fleet…The irony is that I rarely if ever looked at them, the drivers. When you see someone driving a nice car, you rarely think, ‘Wow, the guy driving that car is cool.’ Instead, you think, ‘Wow if I had that car people would think I’m cool.’ Subconscious or not, this is how people think.”
That is exactly how I think for sure. I have been dreaming of fancy cars, big houses, and all those things that mark a certain type of individual’s success ever since I could remember. Honestly, that has helped me advance through many milestones in life, but, it sure had a darker side.
Why do I need a fancy car, or a mansion if I can live with a bus pass and a more compact house apt for my needs? Is it because I care about what others think about me? It is a big fat yes.
It has been a cultural thing to state in many parts of the world when an individual decides to choose a certain type of work, dress a certain way, talk a certain way, like a certain type of individual, hang out with a specific group of people, or do anything at all that is out of the norm; a very prominent question arises: “What will ‘they’ think about this?
Who are they?
They are everyone and everything. They include every single stranger you pass down the street and every single person you have ever come across in your life who may be living far far away from where you are at a given point.
The biggest irony is that every single person who falls under the category of they has their own set of they to worry about.
Then why do we actually care about what they think if they are not thinking about us at all?
I am on an actual quest to understand this because as far as I can identify, this has been present in our social rule book for a really long time.
But I can surely say that we care, we all do. And this is all not bad, there is good in it too. Maybe without caring there is no way to be. For we are all human and perhaps caring is the key.
The Fear of Judgement
Judgment is an action socially despised worldwide. When you hear or feel that someone is judgy you tend to stay away from them. Maybe you are afraid that they might understand your weaknesses or maybe they will find out more about you than you already know.
Sure, it all sounds scary. Given that we still have a lot of our naturally primitive skills like fight or flight even in the 21st century; the act of judgment is not going anywhere.
But it is also important to mention that no child is born into this world with the fear of judgment. It is something that they pick up naturally.
What is more important to mention is that judgment is what helps us survive. Our brain is able to make thousands of decisions every single day thanks to the ability to judge.
Judgment is not a bad thing at all. In fact, just like I mentioned, we need it to literally survive. Yet, why do we fear it?
It all just sounds very foolish to me because most people roam around the world thinking that somebody else would be judging them at this exact moment when everyone else is also worried about the same.
Should We Care?
The answer to that question is very much on the cusp of both Yes and No. Let me explain.
The ability to look at a certain individual, a certain place, the way someone acts or talks can be a highly beneficial skill because you never know where danger is hiding.
As someone who is prone to trusting other individuals on the snap of a finger, I learned my biggest lesson on trust and using my judgment juices a bit more when I got scammed.
So long story short, you can save time, effort, money, and even lives by using your ability to judge every single time. But the decisions you take after, to react to your judgment is your sole responsibility. Remember, the judgment only gives you a possibility and not the exact truth.
Now should you care about what people might think, should you care if people like you or not, and so on? Yes, because there is a possibility that there is actually something off on your side, something that you can fix for a better you if you care.
Should you care if people are judging you? Absolutely not. Think of it as their survival mechanism and that there is no switch in their brain that would let them stop judging.
This has helped me personally as someone who chose to be an introvert because I am too scared of what people might think about me although I very much enjoy the presence of people in my life.
So, next time you have that chill going down your spine, remember that you are not alone. The person you are scared of might judge you is actually scared that you might judge them.
But, if you are someone who ties up your insecurities and the fear of judgment to financially making up for it. Just understand that the people you are trying to impress are not worth your time or effort. Especially if it comes at the cost of your mental or physical health.
Be proud to say that you care but know where your line is. It is very crucial to know what and what not you can control and stick with your own vibe. You don't need to change yourself to belong in this world of diversity and your uniqueness is what you are valued for not your ability to be lost in the crowd.
“Some people’s weakness is that they care too much; it is also their strength.” — Brigitte Nicole
